She’s hard to love
And I envy her.
Her witchy smile,
Effortlessly narcissistic,
Comic to the point of pain
A pain she never
Seems to feel
Since I’m not sure
She feels at all.
She is even,
Hidden hearted,
Second born.
Pent up with what skipped
The odd first born.
4/24/13
When you were very small,
I held you on my knee
And bounced you
Thought teary nights,
The child I may never have,
But in some ways
Did nine years ago.
I was enthralled
By the spot
Where your baby hair
Just started to curl
On the back of your neck,
I liked to brush
My…
Hush now,
I’m interrupting
Your interruption
That interrupted
My thought
Of how Future Me
Will never be achieved
Because life is nothing but
A serious of Now Mes.
I don’t exist
In future tense,
But I’ll leave a picture
Pointing south
Of an arrow
Outside the police station,
But I’ll take the pen
To sign a lease
On an Isla cottage,
Future tense.
4/21/13
L.A. tastes
His Europe tongue
And I know it’s him
By the wicked smile
But his eyes
Can’t make me love
The way his words
Make me come
4/23/13
I am bitter
Like overly strong
Black, black coffee.
I am cold
Like the February winds
I was born in.
I am cruel.
I breathe life
Into words
Designed to stab.
But I know these three
Before all others.
These traits are my weapon first,
They just agree.
4/20/13
You told me shyly you think I’m beautiful. You were the first time I snuck out of my house, the first time I stayed up until three with a stranger. I laughed when you asked for a kiss, just a small one on my sunburned cheek.
We still talk now and then, but it’s different. I wrote you letters…
“I love you”
he whispers
as his eyes travel
over the glowing blue screen.
Not me, no,
Affection not mine.
He means it that way
But his love is reserved
For mythical characters
In cyber land.
I don’t want to bother him
But, Christ,
Stop petting my head
Like I’m the fluffy white cat
Perched on the arm of his
Desk chair throne.
4/26/13
You once touched me
With sweet smiles
And sweeter words,
Held me close
When we shared a bed,
But now we’re banished
To different sides
And I’m afraid
You’ll put me
Back on the shelf
With your gilded books,
“Nice things,” you said,
“I like having nice things.”
4/17/13
I’ll love you big
And I’ll love you grand
In word and show,
Bullshit touches
And soft words.
I’ll love you lonely
In the smallest ways.
Those moments
When you just happen
To miss me most,
You’ll realize the strength
Of the hand
You’ve dealt me.
4/14/13
It was the sort of late summer night where I’d sweat no matter how cranked the AC was or how naked I got. I felt a little better when I realized I was more restless than hot. Well, “felt better” isn’t right. Refocused. It was a different discomfort. I put on the shredded, almost white shorts…
I breathe in deep,
One two three four
And you snore softly
Out one two half,
And I try to dodge
Your out to my in
But I’m wrapped tight
And can’t escape.
4/12/13
All writing posted here is my own. Feel free to ask me anything
This is the life a writer chooses
one of obscurity
frustration
and rejection
ask Melville
ask Fitzgerald
ask Coleridge...
I move to the back of every room
and close every door entered.
And when people ask me how
I am doing, I smile with effort
and look...
viii
If the sun were to explode
you wouldn’t realize it
for a few minutes. For
a few minutes everything
would be normal,
everything would be
...
Look, I dyed my hair all pretty!
“Two years “. She thought
“104 weeks 731 days.
Damn leap year.
17544 hours… Shit.
You shouldn’t use time
...
You exist in a parallel reality,
rooted in my heart.
Wherein, we are close.
Tight.
Two angles of the...
I love the way
plates sound
when thrown
against the wall.
Like brittle bones
shattering, but
that is how I
paint me in
swirling hot strokes
of dark autumn
sad colours
Capture me
in the violence
of your brush
against my
blank...
